We're All Mad Here

Since I can’t come up with one topic to complain about this week, I decided to whine about several things “a la libanaise” that I just can’t understand. Here’s some food for thought:

1. Why is it that the moment someone phones you, their first question is “Wainak? Shou 3am ta3mol?” Is there no limit to nosiness? Whatever happened to privacy (I guess that died long ago with the creation of the Facebook and the blackberry)? What happened to “hi, how are you?” (And no I don’t mean “hi kifak ca va?”)

2. Why doesn’t anyone use their car turn signal blinkers? When my turn signals are blinking, I look at my rear view mirror and all I see are cars stampeding to over-take me (I think the blinking lights excite their infantile brain cells). I also constantly find myself driving peacefully when all of a sudden, the car in front of me makes a turn (without turn signals). Naturally, I honk angrily at the driver, only to receive the middle finger gesture and the typical insult: “inteyé”.

3. What is up with stupid English grammar mistakes? OH MY GOD! It must be one of my worst pet peeves ever.

• You are a Looser: WRONG! Loser is the opposite of winner. Looser is the opposite of tighter.
• You are so sweat: WRONG! Sweat is perspiration. Sweet is the opposite of bitter.
• Thx you: WRONG! Thx is the abbreviation for Thanks. You simple cannot say “Thanks you”, ladies and gentlemen.
• You are an angle: WRONG! Angle is a point of view or part of a triangle. Angel is that flying white-winged person.

(I once received a love letter that said “You are a sweat angle.” All I could think of was body odors and perpendicular triangles – what a turn off!)

4. What’s up with the horrifying elderly people? Aren’t they supposed to be sweet and full of wisdom? Instead, they are bitter and full of odors. They release gas (loudly) out of every available opening in their body, publicly, and do not care if they are stinking up the room. They are loud, obnoxious, and rude; they drive horribly, push and shove people (aren’t they supposed to be weak and fragile?), and they constantly remind me of how our generation is a failure compared to theirs because they made their money from scratch, fought in the war(s), and had 57 children (Be gone dinosaur!)

5. What do people like in “tish tik tah tah” music? I don’t get it! I see people driving around with their windows down, blasting their Arabic music and dancing to it. Yes, there are some old Arabic songs that are mesmerizing, but nowadays, the lyrics are either completely meaningless, or too corny, or absolutely miserable (backed by horrible melodies and vocals)! I think it is an excuse for girls to pop their cleavage out and shake their stuff like belly dancers who are high on caffeine. Is that supposed to be sexy?

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wlooo-were-all-mad-here/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.

The Peter Pan Syndrome

Ever since I started maturing into the young lady that I am (the Duchess of York), I’ve heard peasant-like talk as such, “Hurry; find a man before your train leaves the station at 28 – women age before men.” “Your market is high now. After 28, men will lose their interest in you and go for younger women.” (Yeah, younger women who are still in their mothers’ wombs)

I tend to feel like women are a piece of art; observed (for long hours), studied, critiqued, sometimes appreciated, and many times not understood. A piece of art is still an object though, and I am sure that many women out there are tired of feeling like objects, cut us some slack, please!

I would like to change the perspective a little on this matter, and discuss the “train leaving a man’s station” – post 33 (since men age so gracefully, and mature so . . . so slowly).

I have a few male friends (post-33) who are good looking, have great personalities, with proper backgrounds, fine jobs, and are still unmarried. Their lifestyles consist of hitting the bars and clubs several nights a week, engaging in one night stands, and driving fast cars (a. to boost their childish egos, and b. to pick up Ms. One-Night-Stand #623). As a result, they are almost always tired for work, they are almost never taken seriously, and they simply cannot act their age.

Face it guys, if you’re a few years away from 40, it is not sexy at all to be out getting drunk every night with 20 year old bimbos who can’t spell the word “pedophile”.

It is not cool that you’re getting your first grey hairs and are still waking up with a hangover (when that happens again, please look at your reflection in the mirror – your starting-to-wrinkle face, your puffy eyes – and apprehend how pathetic you look).

It is not cool that all your entourage is at least 7 years younger than you because all friends your age have families, careers, and lifestyles that fit their maturity level.

As if all that weren’t bad enough, most of these guys are still living with their parents. How is that even logical? And can you fathom the idea that Mr. Mid-Life will bed Ms. One-Night-Stand, while his parents listen in horror in the next room? Ooh . . . Sexy!

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wlooo-the-peter-pan-syndrome/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.