The Bridezilla Syndrome

As the summer season reaches its peak, one thing that tops everyone’s list is weddings. I don’t know about you guys, but I find myself invited to several marriage ceremonies that constitute of the same cliché.

Since high school, I have met, known, and befriended too many pathetic girls who don’t know the first thing about being funny, looking good, or getting a guy’s attention. Oddly enough, these young ladies in particular usually seem to be the first that get married. Knowing how unpromising they are (by most people’s standards), all that matters to them is digging their claws into the first naive guy that gives them the time of day. In other words, Bridezilla meets her victim at a perversely young age and remains with him in a “dedicated, committed, long-term relationship” until he is either financially or psychologically capable of tying the knot as planned by her mother, grandmother, and any remaining living ancestors) while her boyfriend proudly boasts to his friends that he is lucky to have found a virgin who he can mold into the lady of his dreams (well, DUH, she’s 16 . . . pedophilia much?).

Now although Bridezilla has been an ass-kisser since the ice age, the minute her wedding date is set, she suddenly becomes the Queen B whose marriage is the event of the season that only the crème de la crème are allowed to attend (of course, being tightfisted is always the reason for why X, Y, and Z are not invited to the La Classe wedding). Bridezilla will also become the love guru du monde who never stops giving relationship advice to friends, enemies, siblings, trees, and furniture. She will say annoying phrases like “3a’belik . . . inshallah nefrah mennik. Yalla, sheddé hemtik.” (Yuck, yuck, YUCK!). My answer is always “metel ma allah bi reed. . . merci”, but what I really want to say is, “sorry but I actually have a life, value my career, and have parents who are willing to support my lazy ineligible self for as long as I want”. God forbid you are still unmarried after 25 (or OH NO, after 28?!), you will be pitied, judged, and expected to have a justification for still being single at such an age; like having male genitals or a fatal, contagious illness. In any case, Bridezilla will always give a condescending smile before she walks away to harass yet another person who couldn’t care less.

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wlooo-the-bridezilla-syndrome/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.

I See Dumb People

I believe it is essential in life for every person to have two things: A hobby and an opinion. Now for some* narrow-minded people who will cling to my every word, I would like to clarify that there are other important things in life as well; but now I will write about (and I repeat) having a hobby and an opinion.
When I got the opportunity to write my own column, I was pleasantly surprised that more than 1000 people in Lebanon actually read; and like every other writer; I have received positive feedback and negative remarks (some that are very politely and respectfully written, and others, . . . well . . . ). Once again, to the narrow-minded ones; I do not mean “read” as in “A-B-C-D-E”, I mean it in the sense that you actually take the time to buy a book that you can: read before sleeping, read on a plane, read while lying down by the pool.
I was even more happy to know that while browsing the internet, some* people decided to navigate away from Facebook, Youtube, poker, and/or porn sites to take a few minutes to read online (it must have been difficult, so good job!). Most Readers understand my point of view, don’t take it too seriously, laugh about it, and move on with their lives. Some* readers though apparently have two-digit IQ’s and cannot comprehend a sentence that exceeds 4 words, so they understand 10 words out of 600, find themselves super offended, and start dreaming up ways of how to make me cry. The closest they can get is something that sounds like this:

“Who you sink you are? you have no right to over-generaleyes, because not all people like zis. best luck for your write because you suck! You suck! You suck! People don’t believe zis *****, hear me instead because iz clear zat I know what I am talk about! . . . You Suck!”
 Signed, Big F to the A to the G.

Oh . . . Shut up . . . and please write this down on a piece of paper and swallow it: “I must learn how to understand what I am reading, in terms of its content and message. I must also take some English classes and learn how to write before I attempt to express another lonely thought through writing. Finally, I must buy my very first book, ‘Freedom of Speech for Dummies’ and acknowledge the fact that I am indeed, a dummy”.

(When someone gives me a remark like the one above, the only pain I feel is from the strain in eyes and brain while I desperately try to understand and decipher what I am reading.)

So, back to the beginning: Hi, my name is Rita Dahdah. I am an average person that loves to express her opinions through writing. Writing is my hobby, and my articles (opinion pieces) will remain MY opinion forever; I promise that they will never become a written law that would forbid some* of you from acting like the idiots that you are.
You don’t have to accept my opinion, but you must respect it (it is part of being civilized). If you have something to say, start a blog and spread the word.
Food for thought #1: even if there’s no law against the behavior I am mocking, reasonable people will still laugh at it.
Food for thought #2: if some* of you find yourselves awfully offended after reading something I wrote, it is quite probable that you fall right into the category I am mocking (even if you have super-duper English and a three-digit IQ, you are not entitled to be a “holier than thou” philosophizer who feels the need to argue about air).
That being said, I want to thank all of you who are reading “La Wlooo” on a weekly basis, and I hope that you’re enjoying reading it as much as I’m enjoying writing it.
Lebanon has so much talent; whether it’s an upcoming designer, painter, sculptor, singer, actor (you know, the interesting jobs that make NO money in this country), let’s support each other, help each other fulfill our dreams, and show the world what Lebanon is really made of.
Peace everyone; keep your hearts beautiful and your minds drama-free.

*some: this precaution was taken so that some people don’t end up getting a gum inflammation because of over-generalization.

 “When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it.” Madonna

Fighting Football Fever

Lebanese Football fans gave a whole new meaning to the FIFA World Cup 2010. Here are the guidelines they followed in order to transform football fever into a tribal battle.

1. You are either a German or Brazilian Fan: because you have no knowledge of football whatsoever and no clue about what other teams are playing.

If you are a German fan, you have the right to be angry (not sure why), and hold up a German flag or preferably a Nazi flag (because God forbid that Lebanese people go one day without affiliating everything with some form of politics).

“How can you not love the home of Mercedes Benz, BMW, Michael Shumaker, and Hitler?” said a German fan. Jeez, such deep relevance! Bear in mind that 80% of these hardcore fans have never been to Germany and are in no way linked to the country.

If you are a Brazilian fan, there is no need for a sweater. If you get cold, just wrap a Brazilian flag around your shoulders. You are the cheery, samba-dancing, ‘carnaval’ folk that wears yellow to every game, so that street lights (and/or the sun) aren’t needed anymore. You tell tales of how babies in Rio play football in the sand every day before they learn to walk. “Have you ever been to Brazil?” “Oh no, but I’ll be going in 2014 for the next World Cup – and my great, great, great grandmother is Brazilian”, said a delusional Brazilian fan.

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wlooo-fighting-football-fever/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.

Man! Make Her Feel Like a Woman!

1. You complain she’s a gold digger, yet you take out a car loan to flaunt your expensive ride and live a showoff-ish lifestyle that you can barely afford because “that’s the only way she’ll ever look at you” – Ha! Well, what kind of girl were you expecting? The saddest part is, some men end up marrying these women. It’s simple, if you want someone true, keep it real!

2. You are NOT her father! You should never tell her how to dress, talk, eat, or laugh. Never tell her who she can’t talk to, and don’t smother her with constant phone calls when she’s out with friends. She has a brain of her own and knows her boundaries – if she doesn’t, then she’s not the girl for you.

3. You are not her bodyguard; if there’s a guy who is up in her business, she can take care of it – and don’t interfere unless she asks you to. There is nothing more vulgar than a guy starting a public fight to defend HIS macho ego.

4. A little jealousy is nice – too much is borderline psychotic. You have no right to accuse her of being a whore because she has male friends – it’s not like she is fornicating with them for Pete’s sake! When in doubt, hear her side of the story before transforming into the mighty Hulk.

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wloo0-man-make-her-feel-like-a-woman/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.

How To Lose a Guy in 10 Ways

To all you ladies out there who ever wondered why a certain relationship didn’t work out for you, I am sure you can relate to at least 3 of the following – sadly enough, I can relate to at least 5!

To all you men out there, I am pretty sure you’ll enjoy reading this more than the ladies, but it’s your turn next week. Read on:

1. You’re a part of your man’s life, you’re not his universe. He has friends and family that he’s known before you were born; so if you cannot accept it, go get the extra attention from your parents.

2. So what if he’s the guy? It wouldn’t hurt you to invite him to dinner every once in a while and offer to pay or split the bill a few times. Being a selfish princess is not sexy anymore.

3. If you’re a lady, he’ll be a gentleman – it is the simple truth. I do not see anything healthy about how couples here play dirty mind games on each other. It is tiring and definitely cannot last forever.

4. You are NOT his mother. If he wants to drive like a maniac, drink beer till he vomits, or stay up all night playing poker, it is not your responsibility to scold him about it. You can either accept him for the immature infant that he is, or break up with him and find yourself a real man.

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/la-wlooo-how-to-lose-a-guy-in-10-ways/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.