The Bridezilla Syndrome

As the summer season reaches its peak, one thing that tops everyone’s list is weddings. I don’t know about you guys, but I find myself invited to several marriage ceremonies that constitute of the same cliché.

Since high school, I have met, known, and befriended too many pathetic girls who don’t know the first thing about being funny, looking good, or getting a guy’s attention. Oddly enough, these young ladies in particular usually seem to be the first that get married. Knowing how unpromising they are (by most people’s standards), all that matters to them is digging their claws into the first naive guy that gives them the time of day. In other words, Bridezilla meets her victim at a perversely young age and remains with him in a “dedicated, committed, long-term relationship” until he is either financially or psychologically capable of tying the knot as planned by her mother, grandmother, and any remaining living ancestors) while her boyfriend proudly boasts to his friends that he is lucky to have found a virgin who he can mold into the lady of his dreams (well, DUH, she’s 16 . . . pedophilia much?).

Now although Bridezilla has been an ass-kisser since the ice age, the minute her wedding date is set, she suddenly becomes the Queen B whose marriage is the event of the season that only the crème de la crème are allowed to attend (of course, being tightfisted is always the reason for why X, Y, and Z are not invited to the La Classe wedding). Bridezilla will also become the love guru du monde who never stops giving relationship advice to friends, enemies, siblings, trees, and furniture. She will say annoying phrases like “3a’belik . . . inshallah nefrah mennik. Yalla, sheddé hemtik.” (Yuck, yuck, YUCK!). My answer is always “metel ma allah bi reed. . . merci”, but what I really want to say is, “sorry but I actually have a life, value my career, and have parents who are willing to support my lazy ineligible self for as long as I want”. God forbid you are still unmarried after 25 (or OH NO, after 28?!), you will be pitied, judged, and expected to have a justification for still being single at such an age; like having male genitals or a fatal, contagious illness. In any case, Bridezilla will always give a condescending smile before she walks away to harass yet another person who couldn’t care less.

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I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.