Rain, Rain, Go Away!

My Friday started with an 11 am rendezvous at my manicurist’s, who was having a semi-stroke because her car was at the wash and there were chances of rain. This automatically put every girl present into panic mode: “If it rains, what shoes will I wear tonight?”, “Should I wear a light jacket?”, “Should I even bother going to the hair salon?”, “Should I commit suicide because the world is coming to an end?” I sat there feeling very left out because I couldn’t remember the last time I washed my car, and I virtually never get my hair coiffed to go out; I was actually looking forward to the rain, and I definitely think it’s something to look forward to after that sizzling hot summer (one can only sweat so much!).

Surely enough, it rained . . . and rained . . . and rained till all hell broke loose. To all you readers who do not reside in Lebanon, I would like to assure you that it was nothing close to a tsunami (or even a small storm); it was a couple of hours of gentle rain with a little bit of thunder, and the result was as follows:

As soon as I stepped into my car, and after leaving skid marks all over the streets of Jounieh, I was reminded that my wheels needed changing. The dust on my windshield mixed with the rain, resulted in a muddy mixture of crap that my wipers couldn’t get rid of (this was the universe punishing me for not washing my car for the past 2 months). Roads were blocked with traffic – I am guessing that every other Lebanese citizen must have also realized that their wheels needed changing (either that or they simply enjoy panicking and driving at 20 kmph for no reason at all). Who knows, maybe it’s a Lebanese ritual to drive like a 90 year old corpse at the first glimpse of a rain drop. Roads were also suddenly polluted with garbage . . . where the heck did it all come from? Water is supposed to wash away dirt, not make it more visible!

I reached my home dripping with water, but still feeling thankful that the months of scorching heat are finally over. Since our water heater at home runs on solar energy, and since the sun was non-existent today, I was forced to shower in cold water. It then took me almost 2 hours to finish blow drying my hair because the electricity went nuts – I guess “Electricité du Liban” (a.k.a. Sons du Bi***es) believes that a harmless rain shower is good enough reason to repeatedly cut out the power supply from every home over the duration of 4 hours until every Lebanese citizen has officially gone mad.

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/lifestyle/cultural/la-wlooo-rain-rain-go-away/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.

Homage to My Blog

In an attempt to vent and de-stress, I started my blog about a week ago. Naturally, I shoved it down my friends’ throats in every possible way; bombarding them with text messages, bbm’s, emails, msn messenger, and so on. Some liked it and some were very indifferent about it  - of course I attributed this to their short attention spans, inability to read anything (including road signs), and their dedicated “online time” that is exclusive to browsing Facebook, Youtube, and/or playing online poker.

One thing that many of my friends said to me was, “don’t you think it’s too honest, hurtful, and personal?” (Why the drama?)

. . . Pause . . .

So, I decided to dedicate this blog to answering the above question once and for all.

First of all, I will tackle the matter of “Don’t you think it’s too honest?”
Answer: What the heck do you mean “too honest”?!
You are either an honest or a dishonest person, but of course in the society I am living in, I find myself obliged to slice up, break down, dissect, and analyze the 892 meanings to the word HONESTY.
To name a few:
The white lie: I am sorry people – a lie is a lie. The people to whom you are “white lying” to will eventually find out and create so much drama out of it in order to victimize themselves (that way, you will owe them your soul for life and you’ll never hear the end of it).
The delayed truth: Ah yes, ‘tis the truth that shalt cometh. You see, here, the truth is released in stages. Stage 1: you lie. Stage 2: you get caught, so you reveal 10% of the truth by supporting it with the 90% of stage 1’s lie. Stage 3: you get caught again (follow stage 2’s procedure) and this is when you are given the ultimatum: this is your last chance to tell the truth. Stage 4: your guilt pushes you to finally tell the overdue truth, so from this point on you will continue to release bits and pieces of the truth over long durations of time until it is finally out!
The pleasant truth: I’ll go ahead and give an example on this one: Buttercup returned to Lebanon after a year of living abroad, having gained 1 kilo for each day she was gone. You see, she was probably competing with planet earth as to who could actually have a larger radius. The truth: she had become FAT, as opposed to, the pleasant truth which was told to her by friends and family, “You have gained a bit of weight, but it suits you oh so much - you’re simply glowing!” Glowing? She’s not pregnant for frick’s sake, she’s just fat! Well, after Buttercup eventually lost all that weight and five sizes off her jeans, she entered a state of shock regarding how fat she was and couldn’t help but wonder why no one made it clear to her.
The hurtful truth: this in fact is the truth as it is - nothing more, nothing less. Sadly enough, the reason it is labeled “hurtful” is because people’s ears are so accustomed to hearing the same monotonous bullsh**, that when they do eventually hear something different, it cuts like a knife.

Now, to the issue of “Don’t you think it’s too hurtful?”
Answer: Frankly no – I think it’s quite funny. It is only hurtful to those involved in the embarrassing stories (with names changed to maintain discretion of course). I did get a phone call once from one of the involved people in a blog of mine, and although he seemed to be quite upset about it, we both greatly benefitted from this experience: He learnt never to behave in that ridiculous manner again because he’d be made fun of. As for me, I laughed about it for hours - and thus receiving a lot of positive energy from the universe. I for one have been criticized, insulted, and crushed by many people – it has only made a better and stronger person. As a result, I believe that indicating people's flaws and mistakes will greatly improve them (so let’s all work together to make the world a less annoying and brain dead place to live in).
Please note that I do not intentionally hurt or try to change anyone. When and if I do, it is for a greater cause – a higher purpose – because if I refrain from speaking my mind, that person will one day have children that exhibit those characteristics, and one day those children will have children of their own, and so on.

This brings me to the third dilemma, “Don’t you think it’s too personal?”
Answer: What is personal anymore these days? For instance, I know a circle of friends, the Queen Bees – they all share each others’ secrets carefully . . . with the rest of the world. Also, sharing your every step on Facebook is much more personal than blogging about funny experiences and your perspective about the world around you (although I’m guilty of both). Since we already have more than enough Facebookers, I truly wish there were more people out there who took 15 minutes a day to observe what’s going on around them, and then took another 15 minutes to reflect on what their thoughts about it are.

After covering the honest, hurtful, and personal elements, I would like to emphasize on the THINK element in that question.
A couple of days ago, Mojo Pin told me that he feels lonely in his thoughts because he is unable to share them with anyone or to conform to the masses. I honestly felt bad for him but mostly, I felt bad for most of the people around me who are so happy being sheep; being told what they should like, eat, drink, wear, and say.
People’s thoughts should be different, and each person’s insight should be shared with others because a change in perspective from time to time is very healthy for us as individuals and for the world as a whole. If we all thought the same way, we would all still be living in caves without any electricity. Think about it.

For those of you (and you know who you are) who still understand the meaning of depth, individuality, and intellect, I would like you to repeat this prayer every night before you go to bed:

“I thank you God for giving me a brain. I am fully aware of how that used to be part of the package but is now unfortunately an added option that not everyone has the privilege of having.”

Ps. I do not care if my blogs are too long – they are not intended for people with ADHD.

"When we talk in company we lose our unique voice, and this leads us to make statements which in no way correspond to our real thoughts." Friedrich Nietzche