1. No we do not enjoy watching boring action movies and sports games we know nothing about, so it wouldn’t kill you to watch “The Fashion Police” with us every once in a while without complaining that your testosterone levels are dropping.
2. No we do not enjoy getting waxed at the salon. It’s time, money, and energy wasted on agonizing physical pain, so it wouldn’t hurt you to trim your nose hairs and tweeze your unibrow. We also understand that you’re a man and you’re entitled to chest hair, but please don’t abuse the privilege. If you can braid them, shave them!
3. We also burp and fart . . . in private. How would you feel if your woman rubbed her belly and burped after each meal?
4. We get our nails manicured on a weekly basis so that our delicate lady hands remain soft, polished, and appealing. We’re not asking you to have lady hands too, but we don’t want you to have Godzilla hands either. Cut your nails, push back your cuticles, and don’t chew at them. It’s quite simple.
5. We have eyes; we can see when your vision wanders from our face to our breasts. Please keep in mind that there is no way to be subtle about it. If you want to sneak a peek while we’re not watching, go ahead, but don’t gawk at them while we’re talking to you. Eww.
6. You’ll never understand what PMS truly is . . . neither will we. We don’t PMS every month, but we still enjoy the privilege of acting like monsters with you when we can simply blame it on PMS. It’s the perfect excuse to call you a stupid prick. You may think it’s a lame excuse, but it’s not – it’s darn great one.
7. We’d rather be with a man who doesn’t dance rather than with a man who can’t dance but still insists on dancing like he’s at a gay parade. If you don’t know your moves, sit down. Contrary to Abba’s song, you are not the dancing queen.
8.Whether we’re out on our 1st or 93rd dinner together, we want dessert. Whether we ask for it or not, we want dessert. Whether we’re dieting or not, we want dessert. When you’re in doubt, order us dessert (preferably something with lots of chocolate) – why? Because we want dessert.
9. If we love you, we will turn into worriers. We will worry about what you eat, how you sleep, and everything else. We do not like hearing that we are like your mother; so instead of complaining, appreciate that a female of the world actually gives a crap about you.
10. Whether you’re going to the beach, the supermarket, or to your cousin’s wedding, we expect you to look sexy and smell good. Whether you are bathed or not, drowned in cologne or just back from the gym, it’s all the same to us as long as you smell good; even if it’s your natural manly smell (but as long as it’s not a bad case of body odor – unacceptable).
11. If you wear a suit or a tuxedo the right way, you’ll have the power to make any girl swoon over you – you’ll have the power to turn us into porn stars. True Story.
12. We understand there’s a three day rule to calling a girl after you first meet her. We don’t like that rule. It’s become so cliché and we don’t like men who need to plan their every move. This is not a board game, so spontaneity won’t give you an ulcer. Call us the next day; not only will be appreciate it, but we’ll appreciate you.
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akhhhhh, this too much.. hahaha, love u though
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