Whether I am single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day has always proven to be a cheesy, corny, lovey-dovey, nauseating holiday for me. Call me dark and bitter – I don’t care, but V-Day has become – in my opinion – a “retail holiday” of no essential or valuable meaning whatsoever. I will never understand why people must wait for one specific day to express their love towards each other, or why a measly bouquet of roses that would normally cost 30 USD ends up costing 130 USD on V-Day – talk about price inflation! It may just seem like red roses, red hearts, red teddy bears, and chocolate in red wrappers to the majority of you; but I will take the liberty of sharing my point of view on this oh-so lamer than lame “hallmark holiday”.
Big Girls Like Big Bears: Let us all take a moment to reflect on the significance of an adult (and hopefully mature) woman owning an over-sized teddy bear. What-Is-The-Darn-Point?!I once received a humongous teddy bear on V-Day and cringed at the idea of where I would place it. It serves no purpose whatsoever and has been sitting on the top of my closet, staring down at me for the past few years. Not only is it terrifying, but I had to carry it up several flights of stairs to get it into my home because it simply did not fit in the elevator. Not only did I have acute back pain for days, but I have cursed at every man who buys his woman a teddy bear (on any occasion) and have loathed women who love these useless gifts.
To all bear-loving over-grown females out there: You are not 5 years old anymore – grow up!
To all bear-giving men out there: Instead of paying 200 USD on a giant teddy bear, buy her something useful – like a pair of shoes (which she can at least fit into her bedroom).
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue: A bouquet of roses is a lovely gesture indeed – and a timeless cliché that I am so sick of, to the extent that I’d like to vandalize every florist from here to Alaska. I would like to meet the person who decided that a red rose is the symbol of everlasting love (or whatever)! Here’s a thought: a red rose wilts and turns black after a few days – if you’d like that to symbolize your love, go ahead. A bouquet of red roses is also absolutely meaningless when it costs more than a dinner for two. A few years ago I received two bouquets of red roses on V-Day; one from an admirer and one from a stalker. As soon as I left the office, I gave one bouquet to my sister as it was her birthday, and gave the other to a homeless boy so that he may sell the roses to passersby. Now that’s how you can make a useless bouquet useful. Don’t get me wrong, I love receiving a bouquet of red roses (preferably not red . . . and not roses) on any random day of the year – just not on V-Day when possibly every other woman in the world is receiving one.
Dinner for two: When a man takes his lady out for dinner, it’s not because he wants to, it’s because she wants to. God forbid he doesn’t take her out for an overpriced, pretentious dinner during which they throw fake smiles and kisses to each other while they nibble on their heart-shaped potatoes.Although I’m a fan of everything fine dining, during V-Day dinner I couldn’t help but notice how stuffy it felt – not only because of my pantyhose, high waste belt and skirt that were suffocating the life out of me, but also because of the people around us who were planning their every move to better fit into the lovey-dovey cliché around them. There were so many rose petals on our table that it looked like a cow had been butchered and was left to die on our table cloth. Every platter served to us contained something shaped like a heart. My boyfriend and I couldn’t stop laughing, and I realized that the only thing I liked about that cheesy, overpriced dinner is the man that I’m with and so next year I’m going to skip dining out and I am going to do something that’s a little more “us”.
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