For the past month, almost every Lebanese person has complained at least once that there is no rain Christmas spirit. I have seen people sun tanning by the pool in November (global warming? Nah!) and heard others who made little lame jokes about attending a beach party this New Year’s eve, and most of these thoughts were triggered by the extended summer season that never seemed to end. After we all spent weeks longing for the holiday spirit to arrive, the Christmas lights were finally up on the streets and huge, beautifully lit Christmas trees sprung up in almost every district, planting warmth in people’s hearts.
I, for one, could not wait to go to the malls and observe the colorful, sparkling decoration and lights, but alas, my old and worn out tires did not get me very far. I had promised myself two months ago to get my car serviced before the holiday season, but my laziness got the best of me. Regardless, I decided that no matter what happens in this month of December, I will remain happy, festive, and bright – I also unfortunately decided that my “La Wlooo” will be a happier, more joyful column (for a limited time only of course so that I don’t vomit or kill myself).
I, for one, could not wait to go to the malls and observe the colorful, sparkling decoration and lights, but alas, my old and worn out tires did not get me very far. I had promised myself two months ago to get my car serviced before the holiday season, but my laziness got the best of me. Regardless, I decided that no matter what happens in this month of December, I will remain happy, festive, and bright – I also unfortunately decided that my “La Wlooo” will be a happier, more joyful column (for a limited time only of course so that I don’t vomit or kill myself).
I joyfully decided to go to the movie theater with Tiger and Pinkie. Upon entering, we were stopped by a handicapped beggar chewing gum salesman who insisted on making me a customer. Pinkie, who had a prior horrible experience (10 years ago) with this rude, ungrateful scoundrel, decided to seek revenge by giving him a 250 L.L. coin; of course I could not let her do this because I had promised myself to be joyful (not spiteful) this season so I proceeded to (generously) give him a 1000 L.L. bill because it was all the spare change I had. To my astonishment, Mr. Hobo threw the chewing gum in my face and started demanding that I pay him at least an additional 1000 L.L. for it. As I tried to keep my composure, I gently explained to him that I could easily buy the same Chiclets chewing gum from any store for only 250 L.L., but he would not stop shouting at me, jerking my arm, and throwing chewing gum at me. In my state of chewing gum attack shock, I turned into a little “lebanesy” airhead and all I could say was “yii, yii, yii, yii, yii, yii, yii, yii?!?!?” until Tiger and Pinkie pulled me away and scolded me for trying to reason with a crazy thief delusional man. Two hours and a movie later, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the infamous 1000 L.L. bill resting on Tiger’s car, which was the Hobo’s way of telling me “Go f*** yourself!” as he chain smoked his cigarettes and watched us from a distance. Now who would’ve thunk it?!
A couple of days later, still feeling chirpy and warm, I decided to take a short drive down to the Kaslik shopping district to buy my friend a birthday gift while I enjoyed the lights and the overall feeling of Christmas. I had a cup of tea at a nearby café with a couple of friends who implored me to continue shopping by foot because the weather was still dry and cool – so I did just that. I was happy with my thick scarf and t-shirt, feeling that I had made the appropriate choice for the current weather, but as soon as I walked out of the shop, I was drenched with rain and cursing at my girlfriends for urging me to walk. Five minutes later, I was already sneezing in my car when I suddenly realized that I had forgotten my diamond bracelet at the boutique and had to return to claim it – but of course, it was too late (sigh). Well, at least someone stole got a free and beautiful Christmas gift. Getting stuck in hardcore traffic in the midst of a storm, while you’re soaking wet and reminiscing over a stolen bracelet is not the best way to end a day; but it’s still Christmas time and I owe it to myself to remain in the cheery spirit!
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your columns are becoming more and more boring
ReplyDelete:(,I used to enjoy them in here "blog: 5 minutes in my shoes.....".
@anonymous - yes, some are better than others, i agree. i have a a wide variety of weekly readers and i cannot always please everyone. i am always open to ideas - what topics my readers would be interested in reading about.
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