Bitten By The Plastic Surgery Bug

Appreciating extreme plastic surgery has never been my forte, but it seems that most Lebanese women insist on looking like, a) Michael Jackson, b) some form of animal, c) they’re 30 years younger (in your dreams old mama!), or d) a blowfish with a stick up its tail.
I know many girls who have gotten minor adjustments done to their nose, lips, breasts, etc, and it hasn’t changed how they look, but it has definitely improved how they feel about themselves. Although I prefer taking the “I have more self-confidence” approach, I respect and encourage these girl’s decisions because we live in such a judgmental and superficial society. Of course plastic surgery can improve people’s lives by boosting much needed self confidence, but when it becomes an overdone obsession, it has to stop!

Ms. Anal Retentive got plastic surgery done on her bunion-infested ogre-ugly toes because it always seemed as though she was giving the finger to someone (in her case, giving the toe). After getting a couple of her toes shortened (and her foot size significantly reduced), she met the Mr. ATM Machine of her dreams who hated her breasts and asked for her to enlarge them – and she did. Unfortunately for her, each breast was facing a different angle than the other and they were oddly pear-shaped; but Mr. ATM Machine preferred her new pears breasts to her previous ones simply because they were larger – how pathetic. Of course, when she went on to marry her ATM, Breast-enlarging Shrek, all her brainless girlfriends and her sister copied her every move in order to desperately secure a man (including getting their breasts enlarged). It’s a sad story that ends with Ms. Anal retentive getting botox done all over her face before she turned 27 only to find out that her loving husband (now ex-husband) will never stop cheating (regardless of what breast size she has). If a man ever asks you to enlarge your breasts, ask him to enlarge his penis first, followed by his brain, and then tell him to go pay for a wh**e with big D-cups and get it out of his system.

 

Mrs. Dinosaur Relic cannot come to terms with her real age, so she doesn’t stop harassing her money-hungry plastic surgeon until she looks like a vacuum-packed Michael Jackson (God rest his soul). Mrs. Dinosaur Relic was quite the beauty, but boredom got the best of her and she decided to play with none other than her face (more fun than an iPad). All her other ancient friends had already made the decision of not wanting to grow up gracefully, and she simply followed in their footsteps to the doctor’s clinic. She now scares spectators people wherever she goes because her white, powdered, plastic Halloween mask face makes babies cry, children run, and adults stare while she feels like the hottest babe in town (at 160 60, this is a teeny bit immature). 

To continue reading, please follow this link:

http://www.beirutnightlife.com/featured/la-wlooo-bitten-by-the-plastic-surgery-bug/

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.