As the most overhyped best night of the year is only days away, my mind wanders back to the New Year’s Eve parties of the years past and I realize that I didn’t enjoy almost any of them. It’s always a quest to go out and buy the perfect dress, the perfect shoes to go with them, get the nails done, the hair done, go with the perfect date and group of friends, go to the perfect venue – by the time I’m there, I’m exhausted, and it ends up sucking because of all the high expectations. This year, I decided to take on a very simple approach – it is not NYE, it is a NLAO (Night Like Any Other).
To those of you who never enjoyed the NYE’s of the years past, here are some tips on how to make this one different.
To those of you who never enjoyed the NYE’s of the years past, here are some tips on how to make this one different.
For Her:
Tip #1: Forget about being the queen of the prom. Prom night is over – on NYE there will be other pretty girls and other pretty dresses so don’t pop a vein in order to look your best. You will only end up scouring the venue for competition instead of enjoying your time.
Oh, and please don’t have a b**** fit in the ladies’ room if you find out that another girl is wearing the same dress as you – everyone will be too drunk to care notice; and last I heard, the center of the universe is the sun (not you).
So please, no posing, no skanky behavior, and no b***hy attitudes because someone might just be drunk enough and waiting for you in the ladies’ room, just to shove your head down a toilet bowl.
Oh, and please don’t have a b**** fit in the ladies’ room if you find out that another girl is wearing the same dress as you – everyone will be too drunk to care notice; and last I heard, the center of the universe is the sun (not you).
So please, no posing, no skanky behavior, and no b***hy attitudes because someone might just be drunk enough and waiting for you in the ladies’ room, just to shove your head down a toilet bowl.
Tip #2: If you are single, please do not turn this NYE party into a man-hunting ceremony. While you may be looking for love, your “Peasant Prince Charming” will just be looking for sex fun. Fairy tales must end when you grow breasts and start menstruating; hence, the Cinderella/Prince/Glass slipper situation will not magically reoccur with you this NYE. Although God is busy attending to more important issues, maybe Santa Claus can help:
Dear Santa,
The Holiday season is almost over and the wonderful excess of men will once again become an immense shortage. I am desperately seeking a husband, one that is rich successful, rich charming, and rich good-looking. Please send him to me this NYE as it is my last chance before the country begins to empty out again. I must make my Mama proud and get married (OR ATLEAST ENGAGED) by this summer.
Yours Truly,
The Desperate “Virgin”
Dear Santa,
The Holiday season is almost over and the wonderful excess of men will once again become an immense shortage. I am desperately seeking a husband, one that is rich successful, rich charming, and rich good-looking. Please send him to me this NYE as it is my last chance before the country begins to empty out again. I must make my Mama proud and get married (OR ATLEAST ENGAGED) by this summer.
Yours Truly,
The Desperate “Virgin”
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