One thing I will never understand is how some women can stoop lower than dirt just to get some male attention. The worst of these are the Ex-Girlfriends, especially when they are YOUR man’s ex. Whether it’s your boyfriend, Fiancé, or husband, I am sure he has (or had) an Ex-girlfriend that manages to cling to him like superglue. It is sad because you question the purpose of her existence, apart from harassing you and your man. It is annoying because she is so thick-headed, she can’t seem to understand when to f*** off. It is pathetic because you can’t help but feel pity for such a stupid and weak creature. It is funny because you and your man can laugh about her clinginess for hours while she is still holding on to an unrealistic inkling of hope.
I will demonstrate a few scenarios that my girlfriends and I have experienced with the psychotic, drama queen, Ex-girlfriends of our men.
The Drunken Dialer: She will go out with some friends, try to enjoy her night as she realizes that she is a lonely desperate soul in need of a man’s attention. She refuses to acknowledge the idea that “her” man is no longer hers, but is in fact in love with another woman; and thus the psychopath b**** ex-girlfriend drunk dials your man’s number at a very late hour and screams speaks:
“OOOHHHHHHHH *sob* *weep* *sniffle*!!! I miss you so muchhhhh!! Why did you leave me, WHYYY? Why don’t you love me anymore?? I can’t stop thinking about you!! We are meant to be together! I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!! *cough* *roar* Why are you with that b****???? What does she have that I don’t?!?!”
…Freak…
At this point, neither you nor your man can believe how pathetic, stupid, and sad this girl is and while you are seriously considering kicking her ass, your man must call or text her and say the following (no matter how blunt or hurtful it may sound):
“Please do not call me in the future if you plan on making a fool of yourself. I cannot tolerate this clingy, pathetic behavior and I would prefer not to lose all my respect for you. Not only are you bothering me, but you are bothering my girlfriend as well. What does she have that you don’t? A brain and dignity. What we had was great but it is over; please move on. ”
Unfortunately this is the only way that the clingy ex will understand because if your man continues being nice, she will only mistake his sweetness for false hopes.
The Psychotic Stalker: She will add your man to her BBM contact list. She will make sure to drive past his house at least 3 times per day. She will put all her friends on watch so that they keep bringing her his latest updates. She will lurk around the places he goes to (cafés, restaurants, gym, bars, etc.). She will also cling to your man’s friends in the hopes that she will in some way be closer to him, and try to use them as a means to get back to him. She will do all of this simply because her peanut-sized brain cannot comprehend that she had a life before him and can continue having a life without him in it.
At this point, I say go out and buy a nice pair of gloves and slap that b**** right across her face. Who knows, it could help her snap back to reality. If you are looking for a less aggressive approach, ask your man to tell her the following:“Since you have become my shadow and turned my life into a horror movie, I am asking you to please stop before I am forced to file a restraining order against you. I would have loved to stay friends, but I firmly believe that crazy people belong in a mental institute. Please stop harassing my friends too because you have put all of them in a very awkward position – some of them are changing their phone number and possibly their home address so that you have no way to contact them again. I have moved on and it would be great if you could do the same because I would like to keep a nice memory of you.”
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Cute :)
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