Lebanese TV: Dumb & Dumber?

I’ve been asked time and time again to write about the silly shows on our local TV channels, but my answer has always been, “sorry, I can’t – I do not watch local TV.” But today, I’ll gladly name a FEW of the shows I remember watching, which made me ban local TV from my life . . . forever.

The Perfect Bride: Oh yes, I would love to watch a “reality show” about a bunch of desperate, helpless, gullible women that are being judged by their future mothers-in-law on cooking, cleaning, and every other housekeeping task that would keep their future husbands happy. Furthermore, the “Perfect Bride” is chosen by the future mother-in-law! The suspense is not over yet though; will the Amish bride to be say “yes” to the mama’s boy groom to be? To the “Perfect Maid Bride” contestants:  Are you living in the 15^th century? Do you enjoy being locked up and bossed around by your future mother-in-law for weeks just to receive your five minutes of shame fame? Are you mentally ill?

Star Academy: Well, it’s supposed to be a show for discovering new talent in singing and dancing – but where is the talent exactly? Their choreographed dance moves look more like epileptic seizures; and watching them on stage is only mildly less painful than watching a ton of bricks flying at my face. The closest I can get to describing their voices is this:  when I was younger, I used to spend my summers in my hometown up in the mountains. I distinctly remember hearing bizarre sounds like cats getting raped and wolves howling at 4 am. When my friends would sleep over, those noises would worry them; so I would comfort them by explaining that it’s the “cat rape hour”.
Friday night’s “Star Academy cat rape hour prime” brought back many memories.

The biggest Loser: I’ve never liked obese people. I don’t care if they have eating disorders, experience mental problems, or love their fried chicken a little too much. What they do to gain or lose weight is none of my business. The last thing I want to see on TV is a bunch of tremendously fat people bouncing around on treadmills and crying as they express how hungry they are to the camera (and this is because they are now eating two whole grilled chickens for lunch instead of the 15 fried ones they used to wolf down consume before). I don’t really care if I sound politically incorrect, insensitive, or mean – it’s just a nauseating sight to see. Let’s lose the 150 extra kilos privately.

LOL: I’m not really sure what the point of this show is (entertainment?!), but what really baffles me is how certain TV channels found it essential to air their own version of the show. To the producers of “LOL”: Do you think you’ve become cooler or more westernized by being so cheap and vulgar? If so, TV networks in the USA have a little something you should learn about: censorship. Is this the example you’re setting for your viewers – that it’s cool to walk around saying profanities like that out of a garbage mouth?
Breaking news: You are NOT funny; in fact, you are lame, offensive, and you’re the biggest waste of TV space. What’s sadder than the “LOL” show is the other show(s) imitating it, and what is even sadder is their empty-headed audiences.

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http://www.beirutnightlife.com/news/tv-dumb-or-dumber/ 

I am now writing a weekly column called "La Wlooo!!", which is a new section on BeirutNightLife.com that provides a light mockery of the silly things happening around us every day.
Don't take it seriously, after all, it is simply a breath of fresh air – stating the obvious with a bit of humor and a change of perspective.